Saturday, October 29, 2011

Weekends. I don't care for them much.

With the Hero gone for 8 or more weeks I have a lot of time on my hands. Not free time, just time that needs filled. I have the kids but they use the time on the weekends to visit with their kid friends. They have no great desire to go somewhere to use up the time. They already know how they want to use their time.

I don't complain on any public forums because I don't want to sound like I'm fishing for an invite somewhere. I'm not. I just want someone to acknowledge the fact that I, in my aloneness, want to be recognized as existing.

I have friends who would be ecstatic - they think - to have this much time without a husband to cater to. Maybe I'd feel differently if the kids were grown and gone or if there were someone here who would take the kids for a few hours or even an overnight. There was a time I dreamed of checking into a posh hotel by myself and ordering room service while I read or slept or watched mindless television without interruption. I almost have that now but it's boring. And no one comes in and cleans the kitchen.

I have 7 more weekends to get through and one of them is a long weekend with a holiday. That's worse but we already have a plan to get through that one. Dinner out, a couple of movies, and a frozen pizza for supper. I'm not sure what we'll do about the three days remaining but at least there's a plan for day one.

Today I'm roasting pumpkin for pies and bread. I cooked the chili for tomorrow's chili cook-off. I came up with an alternative plan for Emily's halloween costume. I'm washing laundry. Although the work itself is satisfying because it has visible results, the loneliness is rushing in.

Maybe I'll go eat worms.


  1. (((( Sam ))))

    Look at this like the time preparing for a wedding and he's out on deployment. When the 8 weeks end, he'll be home and you can celebrate with him.

    I miss having friends that are close and can do things like coffee, lunch, and a movie.

  2. Ya know, sometimes I have to take a hard look at having married him. He was gone for the entire three months before our wedding. He flew in, we drove to his family's house and in under a week we were married. He didn't do much planning and the families were totally worthless. Since being married he's been away with the job at least 25% of the time. And this past few years it's more like 2/3s.

    Maybe I like being alone. Who knows. I'll see what I think when these kids move out. Right now I hate the alone time on the weekends with the winter moving in.