Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Back on track. I think.

Two full weeks have gone by since I decided I was going to lose 25 lbs by the 30th of July. In that two weeks I took out the foods from my diet that are absolutely horrible for human consumption - the chief thing being high fructose corn syrup and anything with added sugar.

That doesn't leave a whole lot of processed food at all so I've been forced to cook. From scratch.

We eat a lot of chicken these days because it's easy to cook.

At the end of the first week I added walking to my daily list of chores to be accomplished. One mile is two laps around the circle so I've been doing the one mile before the kids wake up. When the hero is home I've been walking the 2 1/2 mile trail around housing.

For the record I would rather drink Pepsi and eat brownies or cake or even a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I don't. I eat grilled chicken and baked fish and lots of vegetables. Almost no fruit and usually a serving or two of milk each day. I don't love this new lifestyle yet but I will. To date I've lost 9 lbs and my clothes fit well. As soon as I go into a size smaller I'll like this more.

I hope my doctor appreciates all the effort.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Writing letters

Last month I decided to send out half a dozen letters to friends of mine. If I talk to you nearly everyday you didn't get one but for those friends I made years ago and don't telephone often I sent letters.

So far I've only gotten one back and absolutely no acknowledgement that the others were even received. Okay, I don't actually need a pat on the back for taking the time to write the letter, personalize each letter, find the envelopes - this was no small feat let me tell you - address the envelopes, get a stamp for each one and actually get them across the street and into the post box.

I'm rethinking letter writing even though I am quite good at writing letters. First of all, it's never a good idea to put anything in writing that may be able to be used against you at a later date. On the other hand, I want stuff put into writing so that I can, ahem, refer to it if I think I'm being lied to. Nothing I put into those letters I sent last month would be damaging to myself or my family and everything I wrote was true but, still, taking the time to write a letter takes valuable time I could've used updating this blog. Or playing on FaceBook.

I still have to write letters to the kids we sponsor. They write back and ooh and aah over whatever little trinket I might have enclosed. They have to write to me at least three times a year but I truly enjoy sending them mail because they write back.

If you want a letter you'll have to promise to send me one back. And I want that in writing - you can use my email - before I go looking for those envelopes again.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Not so responsible

The debit card wouldn't work at the gas pump yesterday. It was my fault. I was certain I had enough $$ available to cover all the gas this month but I forgot to subtract an automatic payment from the account.

Oh well, the overdraft can stay there for the next week until payday arrives again. And the hero can buy gas with the cash I have put away for vacation.

We'll be fine. Everything will be back in the black before the end of the month. It's probably time for me to go back to the envelope system so I don't lose track again.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Talk about being responsible....

I have my South Dakota grandchildren this week. They've been here since Thursday afternoon and we're not quite sure when they are going home but we love having them here. They're 3 and 4 years old.Eli isn't thrilled about them playing with his Legos and Emily doesn't adapt well to change so it's kind of set her off.

Well, Papa and Nana love having them here.

I've been under a bit of pressure this past week and came down with a cold or, more likely bronchitis. The hero had to go back to work this morning so that leaves me as the responsible adult in charge. Not a problem even with the feeling bad as long as they sleep until about 9.

Well, they didn't. Up before 7:30. Talking. Laughing. Wrestling with each other. Before 7:30. I responsibly turned on SpongeBob Squarepants, sat them in a chair close to the TV and told them I'd get them breakfast in an hour or two.

What? It seems to have worked. No one is crying and as long as I keep these earplugs in I don't have to hear whining or SpongeBob. At least I haven't fed them a bowl of dry Lucky Charms. Yet.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

About that path.

The Bible says "enter through the narrow gate for wide is the gate and spacious and broad is the way that leads away to destruction...but the gate is narrow and the way is straightened and compressed that leads away to life, and few are those who find it." Matt 7:13 & 14.

Over the past couple of weeks (Really? Only a couple of weeks? It feels like months!) I've seen that the path to heaven is narrow. It starts out wide enough for a new salvation to get his or her footing but as we grow up in Christ, the Anointing, the path gets rocky and difficult to maneuver. As we gain more knowledge and seek Wisdom and begin to trust fully in God, the path gets narrower still and often has a drop off on one side and a high rock wall on the other. We begin to question just how we'll keep from slipping over the edge and it's often at this place in our walk with Jesus we fall. Because He could see that coming he made the drop off just deep enough to get our attention and shallow enough so that we can climb back up.

There comes a time in our Christian walk, however, when the path becomes the width of a balance beam and even reduces to nothing more than a tightwire. At this point in the path we must keep our eyes on Jesus and the prize of our high calling to get through that gate. There may be a few skillful in the Word who might be able to stay on the rope for quite awhile without truly following Jesus anymore but they will fall if they don't look up to heaven. Just think back to all the mighty men of God who have fallen hard: Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, Ted Haggard just to name a few.

The thing is, though, that even if you manage to get almost all the way across that swinging, narrow, rope and then slip off God still wants you back. God Himself will set you back on that path at exactly the place you fell if only you ask.

Few people will ask.

God said more than once that He's set Life and Death before us and then he told us which to choose! Choose Life! Choose LIFE!

Sunday morning and here I am

Got up, watched a little television, tossed a load of whites into the washer, made an eggs and bacon kind of breakfast, watched the rest of Sunday Morning on channel 4 and now I'm here in front of the computer.

Life will go on and it will be a much less stressful kind of life. That's a good thing because I need the time to regroup. I'm going to take the battle to the devil, not wait for that sorry scum to bring it to me.

I got a call last night from some people I completely and totally respect. They confirmed what I already knew to be true concerning yesterdays "discernment" of the letter I emailed Friday night. It was because of that letter that anyone bothered to come up to the local witchhunt.

Well, I can tell you if that was the devil's big guns it was sorely lacking. And I can also say I'm pleased he knows my name! If the devil is aware of who I am then I know I'm on the right path.

It's a good day in the neighborhood. I am going to enjoy this day and every other day.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Disappointment has become profound sadness

I was lied to this morning.

I suppose that might be better than being completely ignored but the lie came from someone I would have never expected.The lie came from an overseer of the church we used to attend (we quit attending as of yesterday for anyone who hasn't already heard). More than that, the liar is trying to make ME the bad guy. He said if I sent the letter I wrote to the leadership it would destroy the church!

Seriously? What church? And how did I get that kind of power without knowing it?

I think I know what's going on here and it's that very thing that has caused me to be saddened to the depths of my soul. Peoples very lives are on the line and they don't even know it.

For the record, I already sent that church-destroying letter to the senior pastor. I'm sure he shared it with the man who doesn't know me but knew I had a 2-page letter. I'm certain it was a threat straight from the pit of hell.

I do not ever want to be so important that I forget where I came from. I do not ever want to be so sure of myself that I'm easy prey for a prideful spirit. Pride goeth before a fall and a haughty spirit before destruction. I've heard this scripture (Proverbs 16:18) in my spirit for days so I knew this meeting would turn out this way.

Sadness. For everyone involved in this mess.

Thursday, June 3, 2010


I expect the people who are supposed to be good to be good. This would include police officers, judges, friends, church leadership.

I've never been part of a church going through a split. I've never seen the ugliness that ensues when jealousy and lies enter into the lives of the very ones who shouldn't allow it. That's what's going on now in the church that God led us to more than 2 years ago.

I've been through changes in leadership in the church setting. Even this church went through it a little over a year ago. There have been big changes here and, for the most part, they've been good changes. The hero and I met good friends through this church. I've learned more than I ever thought possible here and my personal spiritual life is at its highest because of teaching I received here.

It's that very teaching that has been used against the church. It's the following that the teacher gained that allowed the spirit of jealousy to enter into the appointed leadership. And, sadly, they refuse to recognize it for what it is which is going to tear the place apart.

I'll be part of the split to come. I'll be following the teachers who are such a threat to the pastors. I'm disappointed in the response to what is such a good thing. I'm sad that the couple who offered their time and abilities at no cost are being treated as troublemakers.

I thought this body wanted warriors who could do war in the heavenlies. We're the good guys in the white hats. So who painted them black....

Saturday, May 29, 2010

So it's Saturday

The hero and son went camping with the Boy Scouts this weekend. They left late yesterday afternoon but they'll be home late tonight or crack-o-dawn early in the morning because we have plans. It seems kind of pointless to me to go out amongst the bugs and sweltering heat for one night and one day of cooking food with ash and dirt in it but what do I know....

I planned to take Emily to the cheap theater and out to a cheap supper of fried chicken at Popeye's but that didn't happen. She's not feeling well and has a fever to go with it. I should have known something was up when I gave her a day off her adhd meds and she wasn't hungry. In fact, she was so UN-hungry that she didn't even eat enough calories all day to constitute a meal. She drank some water and opened a can of cherry Pepsi but that was about it.

Instead she got in her flannel jammies and curled up on the couch under a fleece blanket. Sweltering heat outside, air conditioning inside (set to 72) and she's looking like Nanook. I ordered a couple of movies from our cable provider and she was set. She didn't fall asleep until nearly midnight but she was quiet.

This morning she's up and feverish. She has a wet cough and she's not interested in breakfast. You have to know this child to know this isn't normal. I've found a couple more movies (free On Demand) and she's back on the couch. So much for a leisurely Saturday morning without the boys. I guess I'll fill in the day with much-needed (but not much-wanted) cleaning while she gets over this summer virus.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I won't feel guilty about a little break

Not that I ever feel guilty about anything anymore. I'm long over that. Besides, what does feeling guilty accomplish anyway? Nothing positive, that's for sure.

Actually, I'm taking a day off today. We - my hero and both kidlets - are going to the ballpark in the middle of the afternoon to watch the Rockies vs. the Diamondbacks. The hero is taking off in the middle of the week for no good reason except that I love baseball and he was able to get us really decent seats along the first baseline.

I'm marking the kids' attendance for school but we are not doing book learnin' today. This is real life and so much more fun. We'll head to Sam's this morning to buy peanuts and crackerjack. I'll make them add the bill and figure tax (0% on food) so that will be math. Emily can read the tickets to Eli and he can lead us to our seats - literature, reading, and geography, right? And as long as they watch our pitcher Jimenez, they'll be seeing History in the making.

The best part of today is that we're going to repeat it on Sunday after church. Only Sunday we'll throw in a fast food lunch!

Sometimes doing something good for your soul involves doing something good with your family.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

The more things change the more they stay the same

It's funny how so much can change in a mere four weeks.

The good news is that we don't have that obscene amount of paperwork to fill out anymore. We were in the process of adopting an 11 yo boy we know but his foster family finally stepped up to the plate and decided they'd keep him. I wanted this child and we would definitely be the better placement for him but the state... yeah, they don't always get it right do they?

I got the big pots planted outside. I should take pictures and post them with this writing but that would entail effort I'm not willing to expend this very minute. they are pretty, though, and I have to say I done good. I can see them from my front porch so maybe I'll enjoy them enough this summer. I miss having a garden.

After having 10 days of meltdowns and not getting anywhere with the mental health facilities in all of Denver and the surrounding towns and after finally threatening a lawsuit - and that's not an idle threat - I finally found an agency willing to get us the help we need for our 8 yo daughter. We used to have a psychiatrist we could call but because we only needed them for medication management and because the dianosis was only - only adhd (the kind of adhd that was intense and impulsive and dangerous to her well-being) - we were cut loose about a year ago. Well, whatever the behavior issues are, they aren't only hyperactivity. We, her doctor, and even the psychologist suspect bipolar dissrder and if that's the case she's on the wrong meds. And the only doctor that can determine and monitor the right meds is a psychiatrist. Which we haven't been able to make an appointment with because apparently there aren't any openings anywhere in this city of 1.5 million people.

Amazing, huh?

We lived this life a long time ago. Our oldest daughter (biologically the mom to this child of ours) is bipolar with schizo-affective disorder. She wasn't diagnosed until she was in her mid 20's but she's been bipolar for a lot of years. It wasn't a mental disease of childhood or even adolescence when she was those ages. It's only been a short 11 years since the professionals said "hey, maybe these kids can have this afterall". What we know for sure is that we can't live it again without help now. So I've become the crazy parent trying to advocate for my child.

And - no surprise here - the Hero hasn't exactly been a strong tower in all this. I'm having to teach him how to pick his battles with this child, how to effectively discipline this child (no small task in and of itself), and how to believe that this child will be able to grow into an amazing woman before we die.

At least the dog stays the same. Once a terrorist... umm, terrier, always a terrier.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Writing again

Okay, I lie. I'm not "actually" writing again. I'm not even emailing friends anything of worth. I'm not even emailing friends anything. I only have email so I can get stuff to delete without opening.

Things are things around here. Life has been a bit difficult but not overwhelming. I really really want a horse of my own who can listen to me whine and give me a little whinny now and then. And not step on my foot. I could have the horse but I want it within easy driving distance so I'm still waiting.

We're about to complicate our life with necessary meetings and obscene amounts of applications and paperwork but it's all good. We're also getting a business off the ground with the expectation that we can live off the profits within a year. And we're still schooling the kids.

Life is good. And I'm writing again even if it's just a sentence here and there. I have several books in me and they're beginning to put themselves on paper.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Cleaning, teaching, planning dinner

Christmas is almost taken down around here. It's almost put in all the right containers and some of it is even already in the garage waiting for the new shelves it will be stored on.

And while that was being done, much junk was being sorted through and put in either the garbage or the giveaway box. The trash people are going to hate us and the Salvation Army will be glad to see us. And my car might even fit in the garage!

The kids are officially part time Virtual Academy students. It won't affect them or their lessons but it sure does take the pressure off of me to have them ready for those statewide standardized tests that I have such a problem with. They don't have to test. Which is perfect since they have trouble with reading (they're almost to grade level) and handwriting (not nearly as close). I kept the language arts and math portions of the curriculum. I want to focus on the basics for awhile and get them both up to speed. I'll be buying a membership to the Science and Nature Museum and we'll add fun activities like letterboxing and geocaching AFTER they do their daily reading lessons.

The freezers are half full of I-don't-know-what. So at lunchtime I took a look through the house freezer and decided to cook those chicken tenders for dinner tonight. Nothing quite like finishing the bags of this and that so I can refill and restock with neatly packaged food I can spot at a glance. I might make it out to the garage and look through the chest freezer and make some menues from what's inside. I know there's a rack of ribs out there. And probably some bratwurst. Maybe some ground beef. I hesitate to get too knowledgeable because it might mean I'll have to do a major grocery shop.

Someday I want a chef and a kitchen staff.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I'm writing a book.

For real. A book. I evidently have something of importance to toss out into the world because there are actual people who are telling me I ought to write a book. So I am.

Anyway, I've spent a lot of time working on an outline. A guideline of what I'd like to tell people. So far, nothing has stuck. Oh, I have an idea for several chapters. I even have a Word doc started called "book". But when I get right down to it I can't make the words get onto the paper.

For instance, I want to write about all the things I want to say to people but can't. And the reason I can't is because it wouldn't be kind and I've been mandated - by the LORD - to love people. All people, even the most unloveable. So there goes an incredibly funny chapter. I can guarantee it would make every one of you laugh out loud. Maybe even snort your tea. But you'll never get to read it because I can't write it because it wouldn't be kind.

So back to the drawing board so to speak.

Maybe I could write about being married forever to a man I don't currently live with. Now THAT could be interesting except that he's working out of the country because he loves us and is doing what he has to do. So there's really not much to say about that.

Two chapters you won't see from this author.

So tell me, do any of you want to hear how I'm like my father according to my mother? No?

I'm still going to write that book because I refuse to let a prophecy pass me by. And besides, included in that prophecy was the mention of wealth. I can definitely use the wealth.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Monday - a day of new beginnings

I took several days off from writing and most everything else I could/should have been doing. About the only thing that was accomplished this holiday weekend was washing dishes. And only because I don't buy disposable dishware (including paper plates). We had to have something to put the microwave food on.

I think I might take today off, too. The only think I can think of to write is the mundane stuff my days are usually made of. I can't make them funny so that's it.

I might be back today. Or not. When I find something to say.